


There Are Plenty of Villains in the Universe

by RoseByAnyOtherName (badxwolfxrising)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3495734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badxwolfxrising/pseuds/RoseByAnyOtherName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Master tells the Doctor that perhaps it's time they see other arch enemies. Crack crackity crack fic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Are Plenty of Villains in the Universe

The Doctor and the Master were having breakfast, because...why not?

“Doctor, I’ve been thinking,” the Master said thoughtfully, spreading a thick layer of sweet cream butter on a thick slice of toast.  “Perhaps we should see other arch enemies.”

“What?” the Doctor spluttered dramatically, nearly knocking his tea over in the process.  “Why would we do a thing like that?!”

“I mean, it’s been great and all.  Really, it has.  I’m not saying it hasn’t been a good run, because it definitely has been pretty amazing. Sometimes you gotta shake things up is all.  Pass the marmalade, please?” the Master asked, all manners.

The Doctor gave him a long, hard stare before shoving the jar across the counter.  The marmalade slapped into the other Time Lord’s hand like a hardball at a baseball game, but if he noticed the hostility in its delivery he said nothing.

“You haven’t gone and stuck your fingers in this, have you?” the Master asked distastefully, unscrewing the lid and examining the contents.  “These impressions appear distinctly more finger-shaped than they do knife-shaped.”

“Why don't you pour some putty in there, make a cast of it?” the Doctor said sarcastically.

“Well, yeah, I could do that. Or I could just ask if you stuck your fingers in the fucking marmalade,” the Master said cheerfully.

“Of course I’ve stuck my fingers in it, it’s orange marmalade.  Next you’re going to ask me if I still like bananas, aren't you?” the Doctor asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“Well, do you? Still like bananas?” the Master asked innocently.

“Yes!”

“Well don't go and get your knickers in a twist. This isn't really about the marmalade or the bananas, is it Doctor?” the Master asked, propping his chin up in his hands.

The Doctor was scowling down at his tie, onto which his toast had just dropped a giant glob of marmalade. He picked the glob up with his fingers, considered eating it, and decided yes. He licked his fingers, but didn't look up at the Master. “That's perceptive of you.”

“Oh, don't go getting all salty with me, Doctor. I've got to broaden my horizons, spread my wings and fly, put some spicy variety all over the jambalaya of my life. I need to fight other protagonists, and maybe even other antagonists. I mean, you're a great arch enemy, really the finest a chap could ask for. But the thing is, it's just getting a little old to constantly be losing to you, dying in your arms, that sort of thing. I need an enemy I have a shot at beating every once in a while. It's bad for a bloke's ego you know, always losing.”

“You don't always lose. Remember Logopolis? You threw me off a satellite tower and I regenerated! I don't know that I would call that losing,” the Doctor sniffed, burying his face in his cooling tea.

“You want a fresh cuppa?” the Master asked.

“Why are you being so polite when you're dumping me? Usually, you're a psychopath. Today, it's all 'let's see other arches, oh and by the way, fancy a scone?' What the hell?” the Doctor accused.

“Are there scones? I wish I'd known, I would've rather had one of those with clotted cream and lemon curd,” the Master said, a wistful expression on his face.

“Quit changing the subject!”

“Sorry. Well, I don't know. I guess I figured if I did it gently, you'd be more amenable to the change. I know how you get. And listen, it's not like I'm saying we need to take a break from being arches permanently, I just think we need some space. Maybe a few seasons or so. You understand. I mean, I thought maybe I could even go back to school. You've got a degree in cheese making. I could be the Master of Cheese, Doctor,” the Master said. For a Time Lord, he had an attention span rather like that of a squirrel hooked on methamphetamine.

“I said that you don't always lose. Sometimes, you win. Sort of. Like I said-Logopolis. And on the Valiant, when you refused to regenerate just to spite me. I mean, honestly, how petty can you be? But that aside, those are just two instances. There are more, probably, I'm just too lazy to waste my time thinking about it much harder than this,” the Doctor said, spinning the jar of marmalade.

“You should talk about pettiness. You still foiled my plans on Logopolis. Also, I didn't throw you off that satellite tower, you threw yourself. Probably tripped over that goddamned ridiculous scarf of yours. Don't suppose all eighteen feet or so of that was a compensation in any way, shape or form,” the Master said, making no attempts to stifle his giggles, which were, of course, quite maniacal.

“I'd threaten to give you a mushroom tattoo, if I didn't think you'd enjoy it,” the Doctor mumbled under his breath.

“What? Are you sure you wouldn't be the one enjoying it? Because I rather think...”

“Oh would you just shut up already?”

“Right. Well, anyway, as I was saying or at least thinking, it doesn't have to be a permanent sort of thing. In fact, I think it'd be smashing if we could get back together for a two-part special eventually. Maybe it could be another Logopolis. I'll be there to torment you and mislead people into thinking I'll kill you, only something else will happen. A sad goodbye tour and a regeneration, maybe? For you, of course, I'm quite out of regenerations. Kind of have been for a while, actually, come to think of it. Oh well. Never mind all that. There are plenty of villains in the galaxy Doctor, don't cry for this one,” the Master said, stroking his thumb across the Doctor's cheek. The Doctor slapped his hand away, unceremoniously.

“Do what you want. You don't need my permission. Besides, as you said...there's plenty of villains in the universe,” the Doctor said, refilling his mug of tea. “Adipose, Cybermen, Pyroviles, Daleks, Sontarans, Vashta Nerada, all kind of villains the universe needs saving from...”

“You sure you're going to be okay? You're not going to go watch Evita and cry now, are you?” the Master asked.

“I think you'll find that laser screwdriver you like so much crammed up your arse if you don't shut up now,” the Doctor warned.

“Oooo, tetchy!”


End file.
